There has to be reason he hasn’t texted you back, right? He’s busy. His phone died. He forgot. He’s in class. He’s studying. He’s with his bros. He doesn’t want to seem needy. He doesn’t like texting. He’s just playing the game. He’s preoccupied with family business. He has too much on his mind right now.
Yes, this guy you’re pursuing may indeed be busy or have family business to take care of, but let’s face it: he could just be ignoring you.
Too often women tend to glue themselves to their phones after meeting a guy or hooking up, hoping and praying they’ll get a quick call, tweet or text the next day. A day goes by. Then two. Then three. He’s ignoring you. Here’s where you start finding the excuses for him and the excuses for yourself to message him first. Suddenly, it turns into a cycle of hooking up, being ignored and pleading for his attention again.
It’s time to break the cycle. HerMANual outlines the three major steps you need to take when you feel like he’s losing interest.
Step 1: Stop with the excuses
Your male interest may be ignoring you for a valid reason, such as he doesn’t want to be distracted from studying for a huge test or he is worried about his brother’s car accident. However, the only times you should allow yourself to excuse him for not getting back to you is if it’s not a reoccurring situation. Once you find that he always falls off the map after a hook-up or a date and only comes back when <i>he</i> wants more and on <i>his</i> terms, it’s time to reevaluate. Respect yourself enough to demand some respect back, meaning, don’t let him disrespect you by only texting you and coming back to you whenever he pleases. Stand your ground and stop coming up with excuses for him.
Step 2: Give him the ‘one last chance’ test
Now that you’re done with the excuses, it’s time to give him one last shot. Send him a text asking if he wants to hangout, maybe go catch a movie or grab a meal together. Make sure that your last chance text seems more casual than a date and classier than a hook-up. Try not to tell him you miss him, need him or want him in any way, because you will seem desperate and dependent on his attention for your happiness. After you send the text, it’s time to act on his answer.
Step 3: Evaluate his answer
If he says YES. If he responds within a reasonable amount of time agreeing to your proposition, then it’s okay to give him another chance. A reasonable amount of time is different for each mode of communication (text: a couple hours, voice mail: same day, Facebook message: 24 hours). Suggest a hang out that’s different than what you’ve done in the past. Steer clear from getting intimate, and try to make it clear that you want to be more than just a booty call. Afterwards, the ball is in his court to try to please you. If you’re not feeling confident that he’s prioritizing you to a certain degree and making an effort to impress you, then stop hanging out with him UNTIL he suggests doing something that he put thought into. The point is, you shouldn’t be putting in most of the effort. At the beginning of a relationship especially, the effort should be AT LEAST 60% on his part and 40% on yours.
If he says NO: If he ignores your text, takes days to respond or only responds after he’s finished drinking at the bars, it’s time to call it quits. While it may be difficult, it’s important that you do not text him anymore. Don’t give in to his requests to hangout or get together intimately and don’t go running back to him after he feeds you another excuse for his actions (or lack of actions). Be cordial if you see him at school or at a party, but try your best to muster up your confidence and realize you deserve better than being a part of his game. If there’s EVER a chance for the two of you to be together one day or for him to finally commit to you, it won’t happen unless you show you him you respect yourself more than settling for what he was giving you. You deserve to be a leading lady who feels wanted and prioritized, not someone who’s just occasionally convenient.
Once again, it’s all about respecting yourself. Someone who doesn’t give you the attention you deserve, comes up with excuses and doesn’t respond well to your last-chance offer doesn’t deserve to be a significant part of your life. He’s not worth agonizing long hours over while staring at your phone, and he definitely isn’t worth feeling like you’re not important enough for him to respond to. If you feel like he’s losing interest, begin with step one and work your way through to find out whether it’s time to class up the match or cut the cord.
By: Noelia Trujillo